On Monday, the Biden Administration announced they would fund crack pipe distribution to advance ‘racial equity’.
Which, in my mind, created all sorts of thoughts of how this would go down?
Would I receive a $1400 check from the Treasury Department as they are considering handing out an additional $1400 for Covid relief? Along with the envelope in the mailbox would there be a brown-paper box with a certified government crack pipe inside?
Inside the box would I find my new crack pipe along with a note signed by Sleepy Joe to “enjoy”?
That’s one way I could fund my crack addiction for the month – a Covid relief check.
I can imagine members of Obama’s choom gang filing suit in Federal Court claiming discrimination as they only smoked weed and didn’t ever get into crack or meth or acid. Barack would obviously want equal funding for the choom gang as crackheads have for their pipes.
Bootleggers would follow as the government’s program to promote crack (as well as opium – after all, it’s rumored this was the only reason we stayed in Afghanistan for so long – the opium business was SOOOOO profitable) has resulted in a loss of income.
Bootleggers and pushers would file suit, in time, against the Federal government for creating a monopoly in the illicit drug distribution industry.
Aerospace manufacturers would file suit as well as the crack pipes the Federal government is distributing is not the same quality as the $600 toilet seats or the $600 hammer and they want to design the “mother of all crack pipes” worthy of a government program.
Of course, we’ll need to spend millions developing the specs for these crack pipes, testing various ceramics to determine which would be best for crack and whether a crack pipe should actually be used for meth as well – or whether we need another set of FAR regulations for meth pipes.
This is how I am succeeding in a socialist society. You see, I own stock in several military industrial complex businesses, the choom industry (oopps, sorry, the medical marijuana industry), various alcohol distributors, the Chinese Opium Importers of Beijing as well as American Standard.
For the rest of you who desire to understand how you can succeed and thrive under tyranny, you have my book, available exclusively at https://TedLeithart.com
